I must have lots of time, huh?
Word of the day
vivify , transitive verb;
1. To endue with life; to make alive; to animate.
2. To make more lively or intense.
Although I didn’t plan it this way, last few months in Japan has been relatively …. slow. I get my 7 to 9 hours of beauty sleep everyday. don’t spend more than 6 hours or so on so-called productive desk time.
At first, I told myself that I was just adjusting to new time zone, people, culture, and all that jazz. I was indeed quite sick at first, then was a bit depressed at the quality of classes. but whatever the excuse was at first, I definitely spent more of my time daydreaming than usual.
Come to think of it, I’ve had these kind of somewhat lethargic phases few times before. Such periods usually lasted from merely few days to sometime few months. Most of the time, things would just snap and I would storm back to my so-called life in full motion.
This time, however, my daydreaming phase was a bit longer than usual, and I can sense this bitter taste in my mouth – resentment if I have to put it in one word. Now, I ponder. why did such feeling arise this time? what is different this time?
And a thought pops up. This time, I am almost running away from a clear and certain path that has been drawn up. I have “a job” lined up for me that will start in August. I am certain that future awaits with a very set and fixed manner. and…. unconsciously, I have vivified that life with little excitement.
Andrew, it is the stepping stone to something great. I am looking into a mirror, staring at mirror image of myself. To all those new friends i make here in japan, I talk about this small plan I have for myself, waiting back in New York City, where dreams come true.
Still, it is true that my plan, dream, fantasy, or whatever that may be is only yet to happen. And this first step I’ve set myself last summer may not be the best step to take.
Ah…. so, it is doubt that is giving me this resentment. Doubt about a decision that I made for my future that has yet to happen that I can still change.
So, andrew. don’t turn your back to that reality. face it. ponder. and make your next move!
my mother
woke me up at 4:30 am this morning.
By the bright light and feeling of someone jumping on top of my bed.
Then she asked me to sign something while I had my eyes closed and disoriented.
Then she pinched my chick and shook my face, subsequently splitting my dry upper lip.
I asked. “mom. Do you do this to dad all the time?”.
“yes”
“well. Anyone will get pissed if someone does this. don’t. “
“I do what I want to do. When I want to do it. I don’t care. “
then she turned off the light.
Few minutes passed.
Then my dad turned on the light.
“my printer is not working. Come and fix it now. “
Well. These are my lovely parents.
Sigh.
my last night in NYC in 2009
2am. After a snowy weekend, my last night in NYC this year is as calm as it has ever been. When I return, the city that never sleeps will welcome be with a sweet scent of spring.
I love you, New York.
Time for annual resolution, no?
Though it feels, sounds and reads very cliche, looking back your footsteps at the end of year is sobering and important ritual for many, including myself.
So, what has happened and what has changed?
I remember January was filled with high hopes and disappoints of recruiting while February gave me a sense of relief. Since then, I’ve explored Latin America for the first time (twice), forged new friendships that I believe would last for long long time, and trained myself to be accustomed to be called an “ahjeossi:아저씨.” Amongst all these experiences lies another chapter of my life finishing up.
Once thoughts start searching through my not-so-great memories to make permanent in semi-public blog, it becomes more apparent that there definitely were converging themes in Andrew’s life drama of 2009.
1. piece of mind
After being herded through the MBA recruiting campaign for banking and consulting (consisting of career counselor induced urgency and panic), I finally was able to become more comfortable with a thought of not being the top of …. whatever and figure out the best way to enhance what I’ve accumulated throughout my work experience, passion, and personality. As a result, it feels good, or even better, to be me.
2. Generosity should be reserved for everyone else, but not for YOU!
By nature, I knew that I was a forgiving person. Friends and family may do me some harm or be disappointing at times, but it was OK. because, …. well, because they were my people (I’ve been using this phrase for sometime, but now that I know Prof. Okun throws out these words, they seem so….. tainted).
What I didn’t realize, or turned my back against, was that I’ve extended such forgiveness for myself as well. When I didn’t achieve what I aspired to be or do or whatever, I always told myself that it wasn’t my fault. It’s the racism, competition, language barrier, money, family, luck, but no no no, it couldn’t be that I didn’t give it all. what a shame.
Now, back to Econ paper.
oh, word of the day. Austerity: a quality of being austere (which means stern or cold in appearance or manner).
Austerity is also an economic term referring to a national government’s reduction in spending in response to fiscal deficits. For myself, there definitely is a need for an austerity measure in my own personal finance in lieu of future expenditures abroad. No?
My favorite holiday…. it’s updated
Ever since I can remember, I always loved Christmas. Those cheesy carols just had a special place in my heart, as well as many gifts, snow, santa, …
until..
my first Halloween in New York City last year.
It was the night of Halloween in 2008. With a group of my classmates, we decided to become the Crazy 88′s from Kill Bill. Being a bit tired from overwhelming work of school, I decided on getting to the party by myself a bi later in the evening. From the moment I got out of my apt in midtown to the party spot at gramercy, the whole street, taxis, subway, grocery shops, restaurants, and even in copy stores, everyone was dressed up in most extravagant way possible.
Mind blowing indeed….
The night ended in a sour note because I was mistaken as Hiro from Heroes for most of the night, despite my sword (well, I guess that didn’t matter).
Wind the clock forward a bit. It’s now the Halloween of 2009. This time, I was ready. I put on my sunglasses, army colored jacked with slicked back hair. got my belly swollen with a pillow. I was ready to embrace Kim Jung Il, the supreme dictator of North Korea, an Axis of Evil.
And, it was a success! From subways to streets, inside and outside the party, I heard people shout, “Oh My God, Kim Jong il!!??”
So I decided.
My favorite holiday is Halloween!!!
Now, let’s dig up my carols again….
